A World of What Ifs
by Ruby Winterwood
Summary: What happens when America finds the "What If Machine?" Crazy questions and even crazier answers! APH
1. Of Scones and War

It was the end of another pointless world meeting that accomplished nothing. The countries had bickered for hours about trivial subjects and Alfred was tired of it. He was on his way out when suddenly a wormhole appeared in front of him. Out of the wormhole came an odd looking machine with a microphone attached to the top.

"Arthur! Arthur! Come look at this!" the American yelled to the Brit, "Come on!"

"Fine! What is it?" Arthur sighed at his younger brother's antics. He was going home to have a nice cup of tea and some scones, "This better be quick!"

"Yeah, yeah. Come on!" yelled Alfred from across the room, machine in arms. The Brit walked slowly toward the American but then he saw the machine.

"What the bloody hell is that?" exclaimed Arthur when he saw what his younger brother was holding. He hurried over and looked at the machine closely.

"I don't know. It popped out of this wormhole thingy in the hall. I wonder what it does!" Alfred tapped the microphone, "Maybe we're supposed to talk into this?" He cleared his throat and spoke into the mic, "Hello? Testing, testing, one two three!"

"Ugh, I think you're supposed to ask it a 'what if' question," Arthur said pointing to the name on the top of the machine, the "What-if Machine."

"Oh! Cool!" Alfred spoke into the mic again, "What if... I ate Artie's cooking?"

"Hey! My cooking isn't bad!" yelled Arthur, insulted. Alfred ignored him and looked at the machine.

The screen of the device immediately changed from purple swirls into a scene of Arthur's house. Arthur, Alfred, and Francis were sitting down at Arthur's kitchen table.

* * *

><p>"<em>...Because you lost the bet, Alfred, you have to eat these scones." Francis said holding out a plate of burned, disfigured pastries.<em>

"_Hey! No fair! I'll die if I eat those!" yelled Alfred, holding his nose, "Can't I just eat, um, a burger?" he pleaded._

"_No. The deal was that you have to eat these scones. Now eat!" commanded Francis as he shoved the platter at Alfred. The American dodged away and the platter fell to the ground._

"_Come on Francis! I can't eat those! I'll eat anything else! Anything!" Alfred was begging now as Francis picked the scones off the floor._

"_Eat or I'll tell everyone about you and..." Francis snickered as Alfred grabbed the platter and shoved a scone into his mouth._

"_Ugh! Eww!" Alfred gagged as he forced the scone down his throat. His face started to turn green and he started to gag._

"_By the way, what did you put into those scones?" Francis asked Arthur as they watched the American gag on the scone._

"_Oh, the usual..." Arthur said dismissively._

_Finally, Alfred swallowed the scone and sat up, "There… I did it." He coughed and gagged some more._

"_Oh stop overreacting! My cooking isn't that bad!"_

"_I'll never eat again!" gagged Alfred dramatically and then fake barfed. Arthur rolled his eyes and sighed._

* * *

><p>"Wow! This thing is awesome! It knows exactly what I would do!" laughed Alfred as the screen faded back to purple swirls, "What should I ask it next?"<p>

"Hmm…" Arthur thought of something that would annoy the American. He smiled as he got a great idea, "What if I had won the American Revolutionary War?"

"What? Um… n-no… that wouldn't have happened anyways…" Alfred was scared of what was to come.

"It would have if I hadn't helped you." Francis had arrived during the last scenario and was now lounging comfortably in a chair.

"Shut up frog! Let's watch, shall we." Arthur's eyes were glued to the screen as it changed to a scene of Alfred's house.

* * *

><p><em>Alfred was scrubbing the floor of his kitchen muttering cuss words to himself when he heard Arthur's angry shouting.<em>

"_Alfred? Alfred! Get in here!" Arthur yelled to the American. Alfred hurried to the Brit's side, still holding the scrub brush._

"_Yes, Master Kirkland. What can I do for you?" Alfred said politely to the angry Brit. He was clenching his fists but his face showed no signs of anger._

"_Alfred, would you be so kind as to make me some tea?" Arthur asked in a sweet voice, obviously mocking the American._

"_Ugh. Yes, Master," sighed Alfred as he hurried to make the tea. He was obviously wishing he could strangle the Brit._

_When he came back with a cup of tea, Arthur was yelling at Alfred's brother, Matthew. "Where the bloody hell have you been, Canadia? I haven't seen you in a week."_

"_It's Canada," replied Matthew quietly, "and I've been here. You just haven't noticed me."_

"_How would I not have noticed you, Canadia?" _

"_It's CANADA!" yelled Matthew quietly, "My name is Canada!"_

"_How dare you talk back to me you bloody git?" Arthur yelled as he raised his hand to whack Matthew._

"_Um… hey! Your tea's done!" Alfred yelled as he walked into the room quickly. He brought the tea over to the angry Brit._

"_Yes. You two may go." Arthur dismissed them with a wave of a hand and proceeded sipping his tea. Alfred and Matthew left the room, the latter with a relieved look on his face._

"_Thanks, Alfred…" the Canadian said quietly to his brother. _

_Alfred looked at Matthew, "Don't mention it. That's what brothers are for, I guess," Alfred sighed, "That British bastard can be such a… bastard, sometimes."_

"_Yeah," sighed Matthew, "Hey! Maybe if we worked together we could gain our independence from him." _

"_Wow! Great idea! We could kick the British bastard's ass and become our own country!" Alfred was excited now, thinking about being a free country._

"_You're going to have a hard time kicking my ass if I'm standing behind you."_

"_Arthur?" Matthew and Alfred spun around to see the Brit standing at the doorway with his arms folded._

"_He he he. You heard that… you're just taking it out of context…" spluttered Alfred, "we… um, I was just telling Mattie here… how you kicked my ass when I was trying to gain independence… yeah!"_

"_Right. I don't believe you. For that act of insubordination, I'm taking Quebec and Maine from you."_

"_W-what?" _

"_That's right. And you two can go fight France for me, and, while you're at it, make me dinner."_

"_Y-yes, Master Kirkland, sir," Matthew replied. Alfred was fuming but he nodded his head._

"_Good. Now get to work!"_

* * *

><p>"I don't think this thing is very accurate." Alfred was shocked by what he had just seen.<p>

"No, it seems pretty accurate. You're right, Alfred. This thing is 'awesome,'" said Arthur grinning.

"Anyways," Alfred said, composing himself, "Who wants to ask the next question?"


	2. Pay Back Time

Author's Notes: Ask what if questions in the review section and the What If Machine might answer them!

* * *

><p>Alfred's 'What If' machine was getting very popular. Nations from around the world were coming to the World Meeting to see the magnificent machine in action. The questions were getting stranger and stranger.<p>

"Alfred! Alfred! Can I ask a question?" asked little Peter Kirkland, the personification of Sealand.

"Sure!" replied Alfred enthusiastically, "Ask away!"

Peter cleared his throat and asked, "What if..."

"Sealand! You're not a country! Get out!" yelled Arthur who just came back from a tea break.

"I am too, Jerkland!" Peter said, sticking out his tongue.

"Yeah. 'Jerkland,'" added Alfred in a mocking tone.

"Ugh. Fine ask your little question," sighed Arthur, glaring at Alfred.

"Ok. What if I took over Jerkland?" asked Peter with a grin on his face.

"Hey! No fair!" yelled Arthur. Alfred elbowed him in the ribs.

"Time for you to get a taste of your own medicine," he said, grinning evilly.

* * *

><p><em>"Here is your dinner, Master." Arthur said holding out a plate with fried fish and French fries.<em>

_Peter jerked the plate from Arthur, "Fish and chips again?" He took a bite and quickly spit it out, "This is disgusting! Make me something else!"_

_"What? This is the best recipe I've got!" Arthur said in disbelief._

_"Well, then go get Francis to make me dinner!" replied Peter angrily._

_"Ugh! Francis, really?" sighed the Brit, "Why don't you just make him your cook then?"_

_"Hmmm... Mainly because I hate you and I like to make you work!" laughed the Sealander._

_"Fine! I'll go ask Francis to make you snails for dinner," replied Arthur._

_"No, I don't want snails," Peter said, scrunching up his nose, "tell him to make me something more edible."_

_"Whatever," replied Arthur as he left to find Francis. Both he and Francis had been taken over by Peter when Alfred had lent him his Pocket Nuke TM._

* * *

><p>The screen of the What if Machine suddenly went dark as Arthur punched the screen, "That's enough of that."<p>

"Hey! We were watching that!" yelled Alfred walking up to the machine, "Arthur! You broke it!"

"What an ass!" Peter agreed.

"Kiku! Can you help me fix this thing?" Alfred asked as he banged the side of the machine, "Arthur broke it."

"Yes, Mr. America," Kiku Honda said as he walked over to Alfred. He picked up the machine and looked it over.

"Can you fix it?" Alfred asked, hopefully.

"Yes. I just need a hammer," replied Kiku. Alfred picked up a hammer randomly sitting on the table. "Will this do?"

"Um, yes," the Japanese replied, confused. He picked up the hammer and banged it repeatedly against the side of the machine until there was a good sized dent, "There. I believe it will work now."

"Ok, give it a try," Alfred said to Kiku.

"M-me?"

"Yeah! Ask it a question!"

"Um... what if... um..." Kiku said thoughtfully, "Um... I really don't know..."

"Oh! Can I ask one then, aru?" Yao Wang asked enthusiastically raising his hand and hopping up and down.

"Sure," replied Alfred. He put the machine down and aimed the microphone at Yao.

"What if I told Alfred that he had to pay me back, aru?" The screen of the machine changed to a scene of Alfred's house. Alfred and Yao were arguing.

* * *

><p><em>"I can't pay you back! I don't have enough money!" Alfred said, pleadingly.<em>

_"Well then sell some of your stuff, aru." Yao replied, grinning._

_"Sell my... no! I like my stuff!"_

_"Well, then you will be bankrupt and my slave, aru."_

_"...Fine! I'll sell some of my crap!  
><em>  
><em>Alfred walked over to his chair, "Will this do?"<em>

_Yao pulled out a calculator, "You owe me about fourteen trillion dollars, aru... so, no."_

_"How about this?" said Alfred referring to his TV._

_"Nope, aru."_

_"Ugh, then this?" he pointed at his home theater system._

_"No."_

_"What can I sell then? My whole house?"_

_Yao typed on his calculator, "You need to sell everything... except for the tool shed out back, aru."_

_"What!" Alfred yelled, "I can't owe you _that_ much!"_

_"I don't think you know how much 14 trillion dollars is, aru."_

* * *

><p>The What If Machine's image fuzzed out as Alfred turned it off, "Well that was boring! I'm leaving." He started walking away with the machine.<p>

"Hey! We were watching that, aru!"

"Tsk tsk, Alfred," Arthur said, "You can be so rude sometimes."

"At least I didn't break it like you! Anyways, it's mine. I don't owe Yao fourteen trillion dollars!" he added.

"You're right, aru," Yao replied laughing, "You owe me more than that!"

"You guys are assholes. I'm going to start a TV show with my What if Machine!" he walked away, still carrying the machine.

* * *

><p>Author's Notes: For Alfred's TV show, ask what if questions in the reviews section.<p> 


	3. A World Without Awesome

Author's Notes: Thank you to every one who posted a what if question. Sorry if I didn't use yours this time, but I might use it later on. You can still send in more if you want. Thanks for reading!

* * *

><p>"Welcome to the very first episode of <em>Ask the What if Machine<em>, hosted by me, Alfred F. Jones!" He had decided to follow up on his idea of making a TV show.

"And co-hosted by me, Matthew Williams," Matthew pointed out quietly.

"A special thank you to all of the viewers who sent in questions ahead of time," Alfred said enthusiastically.

"Ok! Time for our first question!" he continued, holding up a box full of little slips of paper, "Our first question will be..." Alfred put his hand into the box and pulled out a slip of paper. He read, "'What if Prussia wasn't awesome?'"

"Mattie would you do the honors?" Alfred asked Matthew pointing to the crank on the side of the machine. Matthew walked up and turned the crank a few times before stepping back to watch.

The screen of the machine changed to Gilbert's room in Ludwig's basement.

* * *

><p><em>Gilbert was sitting on his bed reading a magazine when Ludwig stomped angrily down the stairs, "Gilbert, I've had it viz your freeloading! Eizer help me clean za house or get za hell out!"<em>

_Gilbert looked up at Ludwig, "Why should I?"_

_"Because you're a lazy ass und I'll kick you out if you don't, ja."_

_"Humph. I'll help you." Gilbert replied, deciding not to risk it._

* * *

><p>"The awesome Prussia would never do such a thing as <em>clean<em>," Gilbert, who had just walked onto the set, said with disdain.

"Shut up! We're on the air!" Alfred said. They directed their attention back toward the machine.

* * *

><p><em>"You're not a country! Get out of our meeting!" Arthur yelled. The scene had changed to the World Meeting Place. All of the nations except for Gilbert were sitting at their spot.<em>

_"B-but I came to the last meeting and I wasn't a country then either!" Gilbert cried, drawing the attention of more of the nations._

_"You were less pathetic and more stubborn last year." Arthur replied rudely. _

_"But..." _

_"Get out!"_

_With that, Gilbert walked out sullenly and the meeting commenced._

* * *

><p>"Ha ha ha! Very funny!" Gilbert said sarcastically, "Who asked that question?"<p>

"I can't tell you." replied Alfred holding the paper away from Gilbert as he attempted to snatch it.

"Why not!" Gilbert yelled grabbing at the paper.

"Because I don't think the viewers would like to be chased around by angry nations," Alfred replied, putting the paper in the pocket of his bomber jacket.

Gilbert looked at the camera, "Don't think you're safe from me, whoever you are!" he said to whoever was watching the show, before storming out.

Alfred watched the retreating Gilbert until he slammed his way out the door. He cleared his throat, "That was hilarious, wasn't it Mattie?" he said nervously, glancing at the camera.

"Uh, yes it was," Matthew said without enthusiasm.

"Ok. Time for the next question," Alfred said picking up the box again and ceremoniously reached in and pulled out another slip of paper.

"This one says..." he said holding the paper. He suddenly threw it over his shoulder, "...nothing. I'll try again..." He put his hand back in the box.

"It's not blank," Matthew said picking up the paper, "It says 'What if France had married Eng-'" He didn't finish because Arthur clamped his hand over Matthew's mouth.

"No it doesn't," Alfred said to the camera. Then he whispered in Matthew's ear, "You don't want Arthur to come in here and attack us!" Matthew shook his head.

"J-just kidding, Arthur, it didn't say that!" Matthew said nervously to the camera.

"Yeah, let's try again," Alfred agreed grabbing another piece of paper. He looked at it with relief, "'What if Greece was allergic to cats?'"

The screen of the machine changed to a scene of the ruins of Athens with Heracles standing in the middle.

* * *

><p><em>"Hmm... something seems to be missing..." Heracles said to himself, looking around lazily. <em>

_A cat came up and rubbed against his leg. "Aww, how cute!" he said as he bent down to pet it. "Ah-choo!" Heracles sneezed. He shooed the cat away._

_He sat down and stared out at the fading light of the sun. "Too bad... that cat really was cute."_

_Suddenly, a baby wolf came bounding out of the bushes surrounding the ruins and stopped by Heracles, "Aww, you're cute too," he said, sleepily petting the wolf. He picked it up and set it on his lap._

* * *

><p>The scene on the screen changed to Sadiq Annan's house.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Sadiq was sitting peacefully in his garden, eating a pastry. Then, in the distance, he saw a cloud of dust rising.<em>

_He stood up and peered into the distance. The cloud of dust was actually thousands of wolves running, and they were coming straight at him, "The Greek army is coming!" he yelled at the top of his lungs running into his house._

_In the midst of the wolves, Heracles was riding in a chariot yelling, "For Cyprus!"_

* * *

><p>The image faded back to purple swirls. Alfred stood up, "Wasn't that fun? Join in next week for another exciting episode of <em>Ask the What if Machine <em>with me as your host!"

"And remember to send in more 'what if' questions," Matthew added, though nobody heard him because of the closing music.


	4. Party Crashing: American Style

**Sorry for the extremely late update but I'm lazy :P**

"Dude! Our TV show is like really popular!" America yelled to his Canadian brother. "We should really do another episode soon."

Canada looked up from the book he was reading, surprised that America noticed him, " Sure, what should this one be about , eh?"

America laughed, "The 'What if' machine, duh!"

Canada sighed, "I mean, what questions should we ask it?" He dog-eared his book and set it down. "I don't think we should do the random questions anymore."

"That was a good idea though!" said America, "It gives the element of surprise!"

"Both to the viewers and to us," Canada pointed out, "Remember what Prussia did, eh?"

"But wasn't that hilarious?"

"No. He threatened us, and the viewers. They might stop watching if they think Prussia will attack them."

"Ugh, Canadia, you always ruin the fun." America crossed his arms. "The next thing you'd suggest is to rig the machine so it wouldn't accidentally say anything 'offensive.'"

"My name is Canada."

"What?"

Canada facepalmed, "Canada..."

"Who?"

"Me, eh."

"Who are you?"

Canada sighed, "Let's just do the show..." He picked up his book and stood up.

"Ok, but who are you again?"

* * *

><p>"3... 2... 1... We're on air."<p>

"Hello and welcome back to _Ask the What If Machine_!" America yelled. The studio audience started clapping and whistling. "We would like to thank everyone for continuing to watch, even after being threatened... sorry about that by the way."

Suddenly America's cell phone started ringing, blasting out the national anthem at full volume. He looked at the caller ID- "Boss Dude"- and scowled. He pushed the ignore button and stuffed his phone back in his pocket.

He cleared his throat, "Sorry about that some random dude just called me... now to continue, our first question of the day is-" he was cut off by the sound of his phone. He glanced at the text that appeared on the screen 'America get your fucking ass over here! Don't ignore me again- you have work to do." America turned off his phone and tossed it off the set, flinching when he heard it crash against the ground.

"Ugh! What a dick..." he muttered to himself.

Canada, remembering that they were live, grabbed the envelope and tore it open. "The question is..." he frowned at what he read, "'What if the fifty states crashed one of the world meetings?"

At this, America brightened, "Awesome question, dude!" He turned the crank on the machine.

The purple screen changed to the UN meeting room.

* * *

><p>Someone offscreen was talking about the effects of whaling on the marine ecosystem. Almost all of the nations on the screen were either asleep or doodling. America was playing around on his new phone.<p>

He momentarily looked up from the screen at the person who was talking and all the bored nations around him. Then he started typing on his phone really quickly and then stuffed it in his pocket.

"Five minutes later" popped up on the screen.

All of the nations were exactly where they were five minutes ago. Suddenly the door to the meeting room slammed open and all of America's fifty states rushed in yelling, "Party! Yeah!"

They looked around the room of surprised nations. "Where's the party?" New York asked.

America smiled and said, "We'll make the party!"

"Why the bloody hell are they here you git?!" England yelled at America. "There's no fucking party here! We have important matters to discuss!"

"You were asleep too," America smirked. England growled but sat down.

The states took this as permission to party. Virginia and West Virginia brought in a dozen coolers filled to the brim with different alcoholic beverages and immediately started drinking. New York brought in a soda machine and Alabama brought in a bunch of fast food. Illinois brought in speakers and a bunch of DJ equipment and started playing the music.

The other nations got over their shock and either went to join the party (France immediately walked over to hit on Hawaii) or complained. Germany exploded with rage and started yelling, but the states ignored him. The nations who complained ended up leaving because they couldn't get America or his states to stop.

"Hey, America!" New York yelled. America was filling a Super Big Gulp with Coke and beer. "Awesome idea for the party, dude!" New York grabbed a Super Gulp and started filling it with soda.

"I thought you were banned from drinking those," America said.

"What? Oh, yeah. Don't tell Bloomberg about it," New York said as she sipped her drink, "I wouldn't care, but he's kinda my boss and all..."

"You think your boss is bad? Michelle Obama is on some crazy crusade to make me 'healthier.'" America rolled his eyes, "Like that will ever happen!" They walked over to get some Big Macs.

California walked up to them, "Hey dudes," he said, "New York, man, are you OK? I heard that Sandy was gnarly."

"Yeah, I'm fine," New York said, "My place keeps losing power though."

"Howdy America!" Texas yelled walking up, "New York, California," she added with a snarl.

"What'd we do?!" NY asked angrily.

"How 'bout votin' in Obama in a second term?"

"What's wrong with Obama, dude?" California asked.

"Ya'll've gotta be kiddin' me! What about this recession we're in?"

"Pfff! And Romney would fix that?!" NY yelled.

"He's the lesser of two evils." Texas said.

"Quit it, dudes!" America said, stepping between the two states, "It doesn't matter because the elections are over."

"'Course it matters! Aren't you upset?!"

"Well," America said, carefully thinking out his words, "I'm not in a position to say if I am or am not upset... 'cause he's my boss and all... but I can tell you this, dude, I could be happier."

"Hah! You agree with me!" Texas yelled triumphantly.

"I never said that."

France suddenly came up next to Texas put his arm around her, "_Bonjour, mon amour_," France said groping her butt, "lovely evening, is it not?"

"Get the hell off me Frenchie!" Texas yelled and kicked France in the balls, "Ya'll're messing with the wrong girl!" France fell to the floor and made a weird high pitched squeaking noise.

"LOL!" America laughed, "Serves you right!"

"Dudes, why's France on the ground?" Florida asked, grinning.

America pointed at Texas, and Texas smirked. Florida nodded, "He's an idiot."

"Tell me about it!" Hawaii said walking up to the group, "He tried to grab my boobs so I punched him in the nose." She pointed France's nose which was bleeding and slightly crooked.

"When will he learn?!" New York snickered.

Gangnam Style suddenly started playing and a bunch of the nations and states started dancing. "Dude, I love this song!" America yelled over the music. Everybody started doing the moves perfectly choreographed with South Korea in the front singing along.

* * *

><p>The screen faded back to purple waves. "That was hilarious dude!" America laughed, "And that gives me an idea..."<p>

"That wouldn't be smart."

"I'm just kidding, Mattie," America said, "Now here's the next question..." America tore open the next envelope, "'What if Texas had stayed an independant nation? Um..."

Canada turned the crank and the purple screen changed to America's house.

* * *

><p>America was sitting at his desk. "Ugh... 49 what a horrible number," America muttered, "It looks ugly on a flag and doesn't have that nice ring to it, the forty-nine states of America..."<p>

"California's here, sir," America's secretary said, poking his head through the door.

America groaned, "Tell him to come in."

"What the hell, man! You're splitting me up?" California asked as he barged through the door.

"Sorry, dude, but you have the biggest population."

"But you can't just split me up, dude! What possible reason could you have?!" California yelled.

"Well you see this flag," America said holding up the US flag minus one star, "It is missing something... one star in fact... and to make it perfect, I am making you into Northern California and Southern California."

"What the hell? You're splitting me up because the flag is missing a star? What a dick!"

"Me a dick? Why don't you blame Texas?"

The scene changed to Texas' capitol, where Texas' top general was talking to her.

"Texas, our sources tell us that Mexico is preparing to attack us again," the general told Texas who was leaning back with her feet on her desk.

"So?" Texas said calmly, "We've beat them wetbacks half a dozen times!"

"This next attack is gonna be huge."

"Why can't they just piss off and leave us alone! First they say our border's not in the right place, then them wetbacks come here illegally and expect to be welcomed?! And now an invasion!"

The general cleared his throat, "Anyways, I suggest we ask America for help-"

"I don't need no help from that burger shoveling yank!" Texas yelled.

"Uh, Texas? I don't think it's wise to start bad mouthin' yer ally. Why wouldn't ya want his help?"

"Humph," Texas said, "I don't want America's help 'cause he's arrogant and he'll say I'm in his debt or sumthin'. Y'know how 'e's pissed at me for becomin' my own country?"

"It's either ya ask for help or ya become part of Mexico, make yer choice."

The scene changed to a battlefield where Mexico was standing over a wounded Texas.

Mexico yelled triumphantly, "The day has finally come that you become part of me!" He was pointing a gun at her and had his boot on her chest.

"I ain't doing that ya pervert." Texas spat.

"I don't mean it _that_ way..." Mexico growled, "..._por ahora_," he smirked.

"I'm my own free country, you bastard! Ya'll can't take that away from me!"

"_¿En serio?_" Mexico asked fiddling with the gun, "Last time I checked, _he ganado_. I beat you."

"I don't give a rat's ass if ya won, ya bastard."

Mexico cocked the gun and pointed it at her head, "Do you care now, _puta_?"

Mexico fell onto the ground as New Mexico whacked him with a two by four. "Dude? Are you OK?" New Mexico asked the fallen Texan.

"Uh... yeah. But why did ya help me?" Texas asked, confused.

"I saw that you were in trouble, so... yeah," New Mexico replied.

"Well... thanks, New Mexico."

The scene changed back to America's office. America was sitting at his desk and New Mexico was sitting oppisite of him.

"You did WHAT?!" America yelled, "Why would you help her?"

"Um, Mexico was attacking her..." New Mexico said.

"But why help? She's her own country, so she can take care of herself!"

"Just 'cause you're mad at her for becoming her own country, doesn't mean that you should just leave her to Mexico!" New Mexico yelled, "And, you're her ally."

"But I have a treaty with Mexico! Do you know what this could have done to our relations?!"

New Mexico shrugged, "I'm not you and you're not me. You can tell him, if he even remembers, that I acted independently of you."

"Whatever..."

* * *

><p>The screen changed back to purple waves. "Wow, dude. I'm such an ass in that one."<p>

"It took the what-if machine to tell you that?! You're slow." Canada muttered.

"What was that, Canadia?" America asked.

Canada frowned, "Nothing..."

"Good," America said, "I hope you enjoyed this week's episode of _Ask the What If Machine!_Continue to send in your questions and they might get answered!"

"Thanks for watching," Canada said, but nobody heard him because the camera had turned off.

**Yeah, there's too much America in this one... also sorry if I didn't put your state in there.**


	5. Idiot for President!

**Once again, sorry for the late update. I'll try to be less lazy in the future, but don't count on it.**

The President of the United States was not happy with the nation he was supposed to be leading.

"America!" The President yelled angrily at the American, "This television show of yours is getting out of hand!"

America rolled his eyes, "There have only been two episodes, dude!"

"Don't refer to me as dude! I am your boss," President continued, "You are neglecting your work because of it, and you called me a dick on TV!"

"Relax, dude," America said, making President's face turn red with anger, "It's not like I did the work before."

"Grrrr! You're impossible!" President yelled, "I would never have even _thought _of running for president if I knew I would have to deal with you!"

"Maybe you shouldn't be President then," America yelled back. "...Ah-hah!" he said suddenly, "Maybe _I _should be President!"

"In your dreams!" President said, "Nobody would vote for you!"

"Oh really?" America asked. "I think that would be a good question to ask the what if machine..."

President through up his hands, "I give up! Go play with your stupid machine!"

* * *

><p>"Welcome to the third episode of <em>Ask the What If Machine<em>! This week we're doing something new: We're going to have a guest come onto the show to ask the questions!" America yelled as the studio audience started clapping.

"The way we're going to do this," Canada said, "is with the 'Who Ask' machine." Nobody heard him because the audience was still clapping.

"We're going to use the 'Who Ask' machine to find out who the guest will be," America said after the audience stopped clapping, oblivious to the fact that his brother had just said the exact same thing.

"That's what I said, ey!" Canada whispered.

"Did someone say something?" America asked, confused.

"No," Canada replied sarcastically.

"OK, then," America continued, "Let's ask the 'Who Ask' machine..." he turned to a machine that looked like an oversized version of the 'What If' machine, "Who should ask today's questions?"

The screen of the machine changed from yellow zig-zags to the Stars and Stripes, "Oh yeah! I get to ask the questions!" America fist pumped.

"Uh, you're the host, ey."

America stopped, "You're right, voice from nowhere, that would be boring."

He asked again and the Union Jack appeared, "Aw, come on, dude," he muttered, "Why couldn't it have been someone cooler like Australia or Lithuania?!"

"Oh, so I'm not 'cool?'" England had randomly appeared next to the 'Who Ask' machine.

"WTF!" yelled America, jumping a foot in the air, "Ugh, England, don't do that, dude!"

"Why am I here, you git? I was making some scones and suddenly I'm here?"

"You've been chosen by the 'Who Ask' machine to be the guest star of my show," America said dryly.

"I don't want to be on your bloody show!"

"The feeling's mutual, dude," America replied, "Maybe we should ask again." He asked the machine again but the Union Jack stayed up on the screen.

"I guess you have to stay then," America said, frowning, "Ask the 'What If' machine a question, Iggy."

"Don't call me Iggy, you stupid git! And I'm not gonna ask a bloody question!" England yelled as he stomped out of the room.

"Good!" America yelled, "Let's choose someone else to be guest, shall we?" He asked the 'Who Ask' machine again, but the Union Jack stayed up on the screen and England teleported back to the room.

"What the hell, America?!"

"Sorry, dude but the 'Who Ask' machine really wants you to be the guest."

"Well, I'm still not asking a question.

"Fine," America said, "I'll ask one instead." He thought for a moment and a grin spread across his face, "What if I ran for President of myself?" he asked.

* * *

><p>The screen changed to a scene of the presidential debate room. America and two men in suits were standing by podiums and a woman was sitting at a desk facing them.<p>

"First question," the woman said, "is 'What are your views on taxes?'"

The first man in the suit, Democratic candidate Rick Jackson, said, "Tax the rich and give money to the poor."

The Republican candidate, Jack Richardson, said, "Tax the 99% and give to the 1%."

America cleared his throat and said, "No more taxes!" The crowd started cheering and America did a thumbs up.

"Next question is 'What are your feelings on immigration?'"

"Let them in!" Rick Jackson said.

"Keep them out!" Jack Richardson rebutted.

"Build the Great Wall of America!" America declared. The crowd started cheering again.

* * *

><p>The screen changed to a news channel with two anchors commenting on the progression of the elections.<p>

"This may be the first time in history that an independent party will win the election!" the female anchor said.

"That's right, the 'Hero Party' candidate, Alfred Jones, has an estimated 70% of the votes." the male anchor replied.

"He seems to know exactly what the American people want." the female anchor continued, "His ideas may not be practical, but they seem to win over the public."

* * *

><p>The screen changed to an image of the oval office, "Oh yeah!" America yelled as he ran around the room, "I won! Now I don't have to work for some jerk anymore!"<p>

He then sat down in his chair and put his feet on the desk. "Secretary of State!" he called.

A short man with glasses came into the room, "Yes, Mr. President?"

"Can you bring me a burger?" America asked.

"Um... that's not my department." The Secretary replied.

"Oh," America frowned, "Then I hereby make you Secretary of Nourishment. Bring me a burger."

The now Secretary of Nourishment frowned, "Yes Mr. President." As he was walking out of the room he muttered, "He's going to make this country into a wreck."

* * *

><p>The scene changed once again to the news channel, "Breaking news!" the female anchor said, "The United States of America has gone bankrupt!"<p>

"The new President has spent all of the nation's money on the 'Great Wall of America' and other stupid schemes while not collecting taxes to pay for said schemes." said the male anchor.

"Many Americans are migrating to Canada," he continued, "taking all of their money with them."

The scene changed to the oval office where an obese America was stuffing his mouth with burgers, fries, and soda.

"Mr. President you have to listen to me!" cried a woman in a suit, "The nation has gone bankrupt! You have to do something!"

"Pfff! No, the nation is better than ever!" the man-blob said, "Secretary of Refreshment! Bring me another Coke! And Secretary of Remotes! Change the channel!"

* * *

><p>"Yeah, I was pretty sure that's what would happen," England nodded.<p>

"No, I'm i think the machine's just broken," America replied, "But it would be pretty cool to have a Secretary of Nourishment..."

"You know, this is actually pretty fun," England said, "Watching your nation go to ruin, that's entertainment."

"Great!" America said sarcastically, "That means you're staying then..."

"Yes, and I get to ask the questions!"

"Go right ahead!"

England thought for a moment, "Hmm... What if... the frog had raised America?"

* * *

><p>The screen changed to a scene of a forest in America. France and England were both trying to get a baby America to come to them.<p>

"Come here!" England said in a creepy voice to the little American. America got freaked out and started to cry.

"Aw, don't cry _petite Amérique_," France said, "Have some of _mes délicieuses friandises_." He held out a steaming platter covered in delicious food. America looked at the food with delight and started towards the Frenchman.

England was sad that France had won so he started sobbing. America looked back and said, "Screw you, creep!" He went to France and ate all of the food.

"Hon hon hon!" France laughed, "_L'Amérique_ loves me and not you, poor _Angleterre_."

The scene changed to the world meeting room. America was giving a speech on global warming.

"_Mon idée géniale_ is that we engineer a huge _héro _to protect the Earth!" America said.

* * *

><p>"That proves that it's not my fault that you're a git," England said once the screen changed back to purple waves.<p>

"No, it proves that no one can change my awesome heroness!" America replied.

"Never mind that... I still get to ask more questions. Hmm... What if... the Confederacy won the American Civil War?"

"Come on, dude!" America yelled, "Are you doing this just to annoy me?!"

"Yes!"

* * *

><p>The scene changed to Appomattox Court House in Virginia on April 9, 1865. General Robert E. Lee and CSA were preparing to surrender to General Ulysses S. Grant and America.<p>

"I requested this meeting to discuss the terms of our surrender," General Lee said.

"Yes," General Grant replied, "If you surrender here, the Confederate soldiers won't be tried for treason or imprisoned and we will provide the soldiers with food. Do you agree with the terms?"

"Yes," Lee replied.

Grant looked at the CSA, who had been glaring at him. "Yeees," CSA sneered.

"I'm glad we reached an understanding without further bloodshed," America said.

"Of course you are," CSA replied. America frowned at this but said nothing.

"We must make up an official document," Grant continued.

CSA looked out of the window and nodded at something. America followed his gaze and saw Confederate soldiers ready with guns.

"Get down! This is a trap!" America yelled, ducking under the table.

The Confederates opened fire on all of the Unionists in the room. CSA smirked as General Grant got hit. He grabbed America by his hair and dragged him out from under the table.

"You thought you had won," CSA hissed, "But not even you can enforce your will on me and my people." He drew his sword and stabbed America in the stomach. America doubled over as he pulled the blade out. He tried to get up but CSA stepped on his back and held him down.

"Goodbye, brother," CSA called as he stalked out of the room. America lay on the floor, bleeding, alongside his soldiers.

* * *

><p>The screen changed to a map of North America. The Union was colored blue while the Confederacy was colored grey.<p>

"After the Confederacy won the Civil War, it continued expanding until it had taken over the majority of Mexico and the Union territories leaving only the 23 Union states, which were gradually eroded until the CSA ruled the entire North America except for Canada and Alaska, which it didn't want," said a random narrator. While he was talking, the grey expanded until it covered all of the stated territory.

* * *

><p>The screen changed back to purple swirls but America just continued staring at the screen.<p>

"Well, I honestly didn't expect that..." England said after a few seconds, "I thought there'd just be two Americas at the world meetings or something."

"Anyways," Canada said, covering for his shocked brother, "That's all the time we have today! Thank you, England, for being the guest. Um... the end."

**Tell me if you guys like the Who Ask machine. I was also wondering if anyone knew where I got the idea of the What If machine from. I'll answer whatever what if question the first person who gets it right wants. (Unless it's really stupid :P) Edit: Someone got it already.**


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